What is Resilience and How Can It Improve Your Stress?
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Are you brittle or are you flexible? Do you break under pressure or do you bend and then rise back up?
That’s a trick question, because here at Myrth, we believe in having a growth mindset. That means personality traits aren’t so much innate as they are something that can be cultivated. Resilience, the ability to bend under pressure but not break and then return to something resembling normal, is no different from any other trait.
And in our current world, the ability to be resilient is more important than ever. Whether you’re dealing with sudden major changes to what your daily routine looks like, applying for a new job without much success in a down economy, struggling to recover from illness, or otherwise dealing with something intensely stressful, your sense of self and self-esteem might have taken a serious battering lately. Resilience can help you get through this rough patch and on to the other side.
A quick note before we dive in: some people use resilience as a way to blame people who haven’t managed to overcome major, systemic obstacles that have prevented them from achieving goals. We’re not here for that and have no patience for it. Sometimes, there are forces outside our control that are so unjust and so enormous that it’s reasonable to spend time feeling overwhelmed by them.
We can’t stay in that place of overwhelm forever, though, if for no other reason than we need to eat and move and live. That’s where resilience comes in.
What is resilience, anyway?
Resilience has been a buzzword in education since at least the early 2000s, as teachers have been grappling with how to teach their students to recover from minor setbacks, grow stronger from the experience, and use that experience to tackle new setbacks more effectively. It’s grown into the workplace, too, as adults work on strengthening their ability to weather life’s inevitable storms.
Resilience has been described as “the integrated adaptation of physical, mental and spiritual aspects in a set of ‘good or bad’ circumstances, a coherent sense of self that is able to maintain normative developmental tasks that occur at various stages of life.” In other words, it’s the ability to respond to changing life circumstances without losing your sense of self and while still being able to move forward with whatever it is you need to do, whether that’s school or work or family life or something else.
So how do you cultivate that ability?
First, it helps to recognize your reaction to difficult life circumstances. Al Siebert, in his book The Resiliency Advantage, suggests that there are three categories of responses: exploding with anger, imploding with negative emotions to the point of numbness and inability to react, and becoming upset about the disruptive change in a way that spurs you to change your own circumstances. The first two types of reactions cause people to lash out either at others or themselves, and in the end, they don’t change anything--they just feel angry. Only the third kind leads to changes that are linked to growth.
Mindfulness can be a great tool for recognizing and understanding the type of reaction you’re experiencing. Once you’re able to understand and describe your feelings, you’re better positioned to figure out what to do about them.
If you’ve realized that you’re experiencing one of the unhelpful kinds of reactions to adversity, the American Psychological Association suggests focusing on four key components to build your resilience:
Connection: building and maintaining relationships with people you care about, both near and far - maybe using the MyMoai app?
Wellness: taking care of your body by feeding it nourishing foods, getting enough sleep, and incorporating movement into your day. Wellness also includes tending to your spiritual and emotional needs by practicing meditation, praying, journaling, or something similar, and avoiding harmful coping mechanisms like too much alcohol or screentime.
Healthy Thinking: this is another area where mindfulness can be really helpful. It helps to put your thoughts and emotions into perspective, and to remember that just because you think it, doesn’t mean it’s true.
Meaning: look for the things that help you feel a sense of purpose in your life, and do those things. Whether that’s knitting hats for your local shelter, giving free piano lessons via Zoom, raising your children to be kind and courageous adults, or rescuing wounded animals, make sure to keep plenty of room for those things in your life.
Building greater resilience is a life-long journey, but it’s never too late to start. Every little step forward will help better prepare you to endure whatever comes next and even thrive when it’s over.
Have you intentionally cultivated resilience in yourself? What was that process like for you? Leave us a comment--we’d love to hear from you!
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