Have you met our founder Emma? If you have, maybe you have heard her passion about mental health or self-care or nomad life or fish (long story). And while she is open-minded and loves a good debate, she is also opinionated and occasionally rants. Here are her thoughts about our contemporary view of self-care. Do you agree?

Self-care is not pampering. It seems these days that the idea of self-care and pampering have become synonymous. An evening of binge-watching Netflix, a glass of wine, a bubble bath, a massage: this is what we are sold as self-care, and the key word here is “sold.” This is the consumerist version of self-care. I am not saying that these things aren’t great--they can be delightful, in the right context. But they are pampering, they are indulgent, and they are consumerism.

Consumerism is not self-care.

Self-care is often doing things you don’t want to do. Doing things you don’t feel like doing. Doing things that in the present moment seem unimportant or secondary to the busyness of our daily lives. Things that don’t serve the present self without consideration of the future self.

That glass of wine or 4 feels good now, but you aren’t thinking of or valuing tomorrow, when you’ll feel like crap. Self-care is doing not what you feel like doing but instead choosing to do what serves you and what will help future you. It is follow-through. It is sticking to commitments. It is meditating right now even though you don’t have time, don’t feel like it and just want to scroll through Instagram. It’s making the doctor’s appointment you’ve been putting off, sorting the pile of mail you’ve been ignoring, and getting together with an old friend who’s only in town for one day even though you’re super busy that day.

You probably won’t like what self-care really is, but that’s not the point. It is for your own good, and over the long run, you’ll feel better. It is loving and parenting yourself the way no one else will and no one else should have to. It’s taking care of yourself and showing yourself some tough love when you need it the most. It’s not terribly Instagrammable, but it pays off.

Yes, I understand your desire to be gentle and kind to yourself. Yes, I get that. It can feel especially appealing in a world filled with chaos and stress and a steady drumbeat of awful news stories.

But indulging ourselves isn’t true kindness.

The truth is that we let ourselves off the hook so often that we don’t stick to our good habits. “I’ve had a tough day so I’ll just have a couple of cookies”, we say. We tell ourselves we deserve a little treat, that it doesn’t matter. But it does. The habit of the habit is more important than the habit. The good habits are what keep us healthy.

If you give yourself so much slack that it starts to add up, you’re not engaging in self-care, you’re engaging in self-harm. Stop pampering and indulging and calling it self-care. Do those things if you want, but also do the self-care that actually fills you up. Don’t just choose empty calories of pretend self-care--go for the truly nutritious self-care.

And what does that look like for you? Well, chances are a bunch of them are things you don’t initially want to do.

Do you agree with Emma? Tell us what your experience with self-care has been.

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