How to Set Clear Boundaries: Rec. Reading v13
We recognize that habit-building and good mental health can’t be isolated to just one corner of the internet. Myrth is our favorite tool, but it’s not our only tool. In our regular Recommended Reading series, we’ll share links to articles, books, and other tools that we think you’ll find helpful in your journey.
Boundaries. Limits. Rules. Whatever you want to call them, we all have a set of guiding principles that govern how we conduct our lives. Some of us have more of them than others, and some of us are more strict about them than others, but we’ve all got some, or else life would be utter chaos.
This week in our Recommended Reading series, we’re exploring how boundaries and rules can help make our lives easier, more productive, and even--dare we say it?--freer.
1. Saying No to Events Without Triggering a Guilt Spiral
This article is focused on holiday events, but we think the same principles apply to issues that arise throughout the year. It’s easy to find yourself overcommitted and overwhelmed, but professional and social pressures can urge you to say yes to invitations, even when you don’t have the time and energy for them.
Oftentimes, people think they need to make up an excuse as to why they can’t make an event. However, this could complicate things down the road. Instead, Aston-Lebold says it’s OK to leave out your reason for declining. If you’re being gracious about the invitation and politely say no, it’s harder for the other person to get upset. Additionally, “you can follow it up by expressing your hope to hear about how great of a time it was” to show that you care, Aston-Lebold said.
Remember, saying no for your own sake doesn’t mean you don’t care about the cause or the person who invited you to attend their event. It just means you’ll need to connect with them at another time.
2. Avoiding Alcohol Can Improve Women’s Mental Health
It can be hard in a world that encourages alcohol for relaxation, socializing, and self-rewards, all at the same time, but avoiding alcohol might actually be a major step you can take to improve your mental health. This article gives a helpful overview of the current research.
Of 10,000 people from Hong Kong and 31,000 from the United States, researchers found that people who had never drank at all "reported the highest levels of mental well-being," Today reported. For women, quitting alcohol during the course of the time the study followed them was linked to improved mental health. The study didn't include heavy drinkers in their analysis.
Researchers caution that there needs to be more study before reaching any firm conclusions about causation, but the size of this particular study and the trends it uncovered are certainly intriguing.
3. Our Unhealthy Obsession with Choice
We love a good TED Talk here at Myrth, and this one from Renata Saleci is right up our alley. It’s a powerful look at how the human brain is only wired for so many choices in a given time period, and when we focus that energy on ourselves, we lose opportunities to help our communities around us.
In today's times of post-industrial capitalism, choice, together with individual freedom and the idea of self-making, has been elevated to an ideal. Now, together with this, we also have a belief in endless progress. But the underside of this ideology has been an increase of anxiety, feelings of guilt, feelings of being inadequate, feeling that we are failing in our choices. Sadly, this ideology of individual choice has prevented us from thinking about social changes. It appears that this ideology was actually very efficient in pacifying us as political and social thinkers. Instead of making social critiques, we are more and more engaging in self-critique, sometimes to the point of self-destruction.
Having choices is a good thing, up to a point, but we think this is a great discussion of what happens when we reach the point of having too many choices and decisions to make. Setting and maintaining boundaries can help eliminate extraneous choices that you don’t need to make anymore.
4. How to Handle Criticism of Your Boundaries
This article focuses on how to handle people butting in to your healthy eating choices, but again, we think the principles are broadly applicable in a lot of situations. We liked this tip about clarifying your goals and reminding yourself about why you have those boundaries in the first place.
Clarify your health goals, values and priorities. Having a clear understanding of your reasons for eating the way you do will make it harder for you to be swayed by loved ones’ negative comments about what’s on your plate, said Torri Efron, a Los Angeles-based marriage and family therapist who specializes in eating disorders. “If you truly believe what you are doing is what is best for you, you can share that with others while reminding them that it is your body and your choice what goes into it,” she added.
It’s important to recognize when a family member is acting out of concern over overly restrictive or potentially harmful boundaries you’ve set for yourself, as opposed to just being nosy and obnoxious. Most of the time, though, you’ll know whether your ground rules help you, and if so, you should use the strategies in this article to stick to them.
We hope this look at setting and maintaining boundaries is helpful to you. Let us know in the comments below if you’ve had significant experiences in setting and maintaining your own boundaries.
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