Setting Boundaries Sets You Free

When was the last time you read a sonnet? In case it’s been a minute, here’s a refresher: 14 lines, generally 10 syllables per line for sonnets in English, carefully plotted rhyme scheme (there are a few different rhyme structures you can follow when writing a sonnet).

That might sound like a lot of rules to follow, and it might feel like too many constraints on creativity--but have you seen the abundance of sonnets people have written over the last 700 years?

Here at Myrth, we take a different perspective. We think boundaries give you freedom.

Think about it this way. Have you ever been faced with so many choices or options that you couldn’t pick between them? That’s called decision paralysis, and we’ve talked about it here before. It’s pretty common, and if you’ve dealt with it, you’re definitely not alone.

Now, what if there were a way to eliminate some of those options that you weren’t likely to choose, anyway? Especially if some of those options were bad for you, didn’t contribute to you reaching your goals, or otherwise just weren’t options that were the right fit for you?

That’s where boundaries come in. 

We think David Cain summed it up best in this post, so we’ll let him take it away here:

Self-imposed rules aren’t constraints, they’re good decisions made in batches—they’re behavioral boundary markers you get to position yourself, through your own experience and wisdom. A good personal standard clarifies and simplifies, eliminating what would be countless painful decision points. You’re free from having to stop and negotiate with yourself for the hundredth time on the same issues.

In other words, giving yourself boundaries isn’t about imposing meaningless restrictions just to see how many rules you can follow every day. It’s about making decisions ahead of time when your mind is fresh and unburdened. That way, when you reach an inflection point and your judgment might be clouded from tiredness, hunger, boredom, or something else, you’re less likely to change course or choose something that doesn’t make you feel good in the long run.

Sound familiar? If you’ve read some of our rants on self-care, it just might. 

That’s because, here at Myrth, we take the approach that self-care means doing the things that will set you up for success in the long run. It’s making the appointments, getting the sleep, eating the veggies, and, yes, setting the boundaries you need to help you feel your best and live the kind of life you feel called to live.

Boundaries are self-care. Self-care includes boundaries. The two are inextricably linked.

But sometimes, the people in our lives don’t see it that way. People are inclined to push back when you set rules for yourself that deviate from the norm. Often, it’s because they view the boundaries you’ve set for yourself as an implicit judgment of them for not setting the same boundaries. They can lash out at you and try to undermine you.

So next time you’re getting grief for the boundaries you’ve set for yourself, ask the other person: why does this matter to you so much? 

And then go back to living the life you’ve designed for yourself. You know your needs better than others, and you know the freedom that comes with having boundaries.

What boundaries have you set for yourself, and how do they help you achieve the goals you want? Have you ever gotten pushback from others in your life? We’d love to hear from you in the comments.

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