Understanding Your Need for Platonic Intimacy: Rec. Reading v24

We recognize that habit-building and good mental health can’t be isolated to just one corner of the internet. Myrth is our favorite tool, but it’s not our only tool. In our regular Recommended Reading series, we’ll share links to articles, books, and other tools that we think you’ll find helpful in your journey.

Depending on the community and culture you live in, you might be more or less accustomed to varying levels of platonic touch (also known as social touch or non-romantic touch) from other people - hugs, cheek kisses, shoulder pats, sitting close enough together that your limbs are touching, and so on. Regardless of how much touch you’re used to receiving from others, though, odds are good that if you live in the US or another country that has been hard-hit by COVID-19, you’re probably getting less of it than usual. Maybe even a whole lot less. Maybe even none at all.

In this installment of Recommended Reading, we’re talking about why platonic intimacy and non-romantic touch is so important and what to do when you aren’t getting enough contact with others.

1. Social Touch or Platonic Intimacy is Important for Healthy Development and Emotional Regulation

A team of neuroscientists recently published a paper describing the effects of social touch on people. What they found was significant: humans rely on touch from infancy onward to help them navigate their world, understand relationships, and feel secure. Touch is a way to convey and receive relevant emotional and social information. More than that, it turns out there are neurological sensors in our skin that are especially attuned to pick up on this type of touch:

What makes touch “social?” One way of operationalizing social touch has been handily provided by the correspondence between properties of much naturalistic affiliative interpersonal touch and the unique tuning characteristics of low-threshold unmyelinated peripheral afferent fibers (C-touch, or CT fibers). These fibers respond preferentially to gentle, slow, caress-like stroking (Olausson et al., 2010; Vallbo et al., 1993; Wessberg et al., 2003) and at temperatures near those of human skin (Ackerley et al., 2014). Importantly, CT activation is linked with positive affect: psychophysical ratings of touch “pleasantness” (Essick et al., 1999, 2010) correspond closely to the firing frequency of these afferents (Löken et al., 2009), as do implicit measures of perceived pleasantness such as activation of the zygomaticus major muscles (needed for the upturning of the mouth seen in smiling) (Pawling et al., 2017).

Have you ever had a bad day that felt a little better once someone you cared about gave you a hug and gently rubbed your back while doing it? That’s those CT fibers picking up on good social touch.

2. Going Without Platonic Intimacy can be Psychologically Harmful

The crew at Vice did a deep dive on the issue of touch-deprivation, starting with looking at how it affects incarcerated people held in isolation. It turns out that a lack of physical contact with others can produce results that look startlingly similar to, and may be confused for, depression:

It's possible to be touch hungry and not even know it—or even to mistake your symptoms for poor mental health. "People who are touch hungry usually present as being depressed individuals," Field says. "They're withdrawn; their voice intonation contour is flat." She adds that people suffering from clinical depression may also often suffer from touch hunger—and this can be seen in an area of the brain called the vagus. "When you massage these people, their depression levels go down and their vagal activity goes up."

In other words, that malaise you might have started feeling right around March, when countries started locking down and social activity dried up? It might be due to a lack of social touch.

3. Lack of Platonic Intimacy is Particularly Troubling During a Pandemic

When we touch each other, even just to give a friend a hug or pat someone on the shoulder when they’re having a hard day, we stimulate functions in our bodies that help keep us healthy. Wirecutter explains more:

With social distancing protocols in place in countries across the world, those who live alone find themselves enduring months without human touch. This is a particularly cruel irony, given that skin hunger actually weakens our immune systems—making us potentially more susceptible to coronavirus. “I’m very concerned,” says Field, “because this is actually the time we need human touch the most.” She explains that touch is instrumental in immune function because it reduces our cortisol levels. When cortisol levels are high, our immune system is depleted: Cortisol kills natural killer cells, a type of white blood cell that attacks viruses for us. Field says that human touch has been shown to increase natural killer cells in patients with HIV and cancer.

Our lack of touch during a pandemic can actually be an added risk factor for illness. If we’re not getting much physical contact right now, we need to find ways to substitute for that comfort behavior. Read on for some ideas.

4. Covid-19 is Definitely Reducing the Amount of Platonic Intimacy We Get - Here’s How to Help

We’ve all heard the guidelines by now: wear masks, stay at least 6 feet apart whenever possible, don’t hug or shake hands with each other, stay home as much as possible. It’s the best way to prevent the spread of the virus, but it also means we’re not touching each other much, and it’s having real consequences. Luckily, there are things we can do to help remedy that situation:

Although there’s no exact substitute for human touch, if you’re struggling with this aspect of self-isolating in particular, there are a few alternatives that can offer similar health benefits for people who are social distancing. Zak suggests video chatting, which many people seem to have discovered on their own. “In-person interactions have a big effect on the brain releasing oxytocin, but interacting via video is actually not that [different],” he explains. “It’s maybe 80% as effective. Video conferencing is a great way to see and be seen.” … Keltner adds that dancing, singing or doing yoga with others via an online platform can also be highly effective substitutes for physical contact. 

We may not be able to hug our friends or take a hot yoga class at our favorite studio, but we can find substitutes that help support our need to feel connected and engaged.

We hope you’re able to get a good hug or two as often as you need them, but failing that, hopefully, some of the ideas and information shared here will help you understand your need for platonic intimacy.

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