4 Ways to Increase Platonic Intimacy in Your Life Now
Have you ever watched a little child interacting with people they’re comfortable with? They often have almost no sense of physical boundaries and will frequently hug people, climb into any available lap, and fall asleep on whoever is willing to cuddle them.
As we get older, though, we learn about what’s considered appropriate physical contact under certain circumstances and between different types of people. What’s considered appropriate is highly specific to context and culture, with the result that some places have high levels of physical contact between people and other places have almost none.
But for the majority of us, we need at least some level of physical contact on a regular basis, even something as small as a quick hug or a pat on the shoulder. This is what researchers call “social touch,” the non-romantic contact or platonic intimacy that people have with each other every day during normal circumstances. It’s an important ingredient in our emotional, psychological, and even physical well-being, and it’s something we don’t talk about nearly enough.
So today, we thought we’d dive into the question of why people need platonic intimacy and what we can do about it if we’re not getting enough contact.
Why Do We Need Touch and Platonic Intimacy?
There are outliers in every group, of course, but for the most part, human beings need regular physical contact with others, even if it’s very minimal contact like hand-shakes and bumping into others on crowded public transit. That’s because physical contact with each other helps us navigate our world and understand relationships within it.
In fact, it can even help improve our relationship with ourselves. One study found that loving, affective touch can be a key part of helping people developing healthy senses of self and bodily autonomy. Touch helps us establish our boundaries and decide when it’s safe to let those boundaries down--a key way to develop platonic and romantic intimacy with others.
When we don’t get that regular physical touch, it can have serious emotional, psychological, and even physical consequences. Touch deprivation can manifest as anxiety or depression. It can even lower the functioning of your immune system.
Ways to Get More Social Touch and Platonic Intimacy
Circumstances in the world right now are not normal and may not be for a while, but eventually, life will resume its usual rhythms again. We’ll be back to socializing, playing sports, gathering in groups, and so forth.
And there are a lot of ways to do that! From the specifically targeted to the general interest, there are lots of activities that encourage healthy social touch.
Become part of a recreational sports league. There are leagues from beginners all the way up to retired athletes, and sports of all different intensity levels.
Commit to a regular yoga class. Yoga is an opportunity to get to know yourself, but it’s also an opportunity to bond with those you see regularly in your class. Teachers will often use their hands to help adjust your positioning, and some exercises involve pairing with classmates or even the whole class working together in a chain or circle. Ready to take it up another level? Try acro yoga, where classmates work together to support each other in the air.
Join a choir. Singing in a choir is an opportunity for some intense togetherness. Not only do you stand close to each other with lots of physical contact, but studies have shown that choir members can end up synchronizing their heartbeats while they sing together.
Attend a cuddle party. These are events specifically focused on non-romantic cuddling between strangers with very clear consent rules and boundaries. If you’re someone who just really needs a good hug, this might be something you’d enjoy exploring.
Stay tuned as we do a deep dive next week on how to make up for the lack of social touch and platonic intimacy during COVID-19 lockdowns and keep yourself healthy even if you aren’t getting as many hugs as you’re used to.
Are you somebody who craves touch or do you prefer being left on your own? How do you navigate that with your friends and family? Drop a comment and share!
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