Feeling Lost? 4 Ways to Regain Your Identity After a Major Life Change
One of the challenges of a sudden major life change or life transition, especially a job loss, is that it often involves a sudden questioning of your identity. Without the career you've held for years, the romantic partner who has always been at your side, or the home you've lived and loved and made memories in, you may find yourself feeling lost, adrift, and wondering who you really are.
That's normal and extraordinarily common.
It's easy to fall into a pattern of feeling like our identity is shaped by the things we do and the people we surround ourselves with. To a certain extent, that may be true for many people. The jobs we choose to work and the people we choose to spend time with can reflect our values and aspirations, but they’re not the only way we can express those parts of ourselves, and those parts of ourselves don’t go away when other things do.
And yet, it’s one thing to know all that on an intellectual or abstract level. It’s another thing entirely to know it deep down in the core of your being, where it matters.
With that in mind, here are 4 ideas for coping with that sudden loss of identity or major life change.
Allow yourself time to grieve.
It may be normal, but it still hurts. You may feel unsettled or confused, or deeply hurt by the experience. We’ve talked here before about the importance of grieving major life changes in a healthy way, but it bears repeating. Let yourself grieve. It's okay.
Think about other things that have shaped your identity.
What did you do before the job, person, or home that has suddenly disappeared? Where did you go? What did you enjoy? Do you want to pick any of those up again? This is your chance to take stock of what's been lost along the way. You have an opportunity to reverse course or go down a side street.
Think about who you'd like to be in the future.
Have you been in a terrible rut? Were you on autopilot and just going through the motions of your daily life? This can happen a lot with long-term situations where we settle into a routine. We stop thinking about whether that routine is really what we want to be doing and whether that routine is actually good for us. So now's your chance. What did you like about what came before, and what do you want to change? Do you want to live somewhere else, take up a new career path, make some new friends, create a new hobby? This is your time to do that.
Try defining yourself in terms of what you love.
A lot of people get into the habit of defining themselves in terms of what they do or who they surround themselves with. Instead, define yourself in terms of what matters to you. Are you a tenderhearted soul who fosters animals and cares for others? Are you a creative type with an eye for photography and a love of color? Are you an outdoorsy sort, the kind who loves to keep moving at all times, running and hiking and climbing? All of these are ways to think about your identity that the outside world will have a much harder time taking away from you.
Remember, too, that identity is not a static thing. People can grow, change, and fall in love with new ideas and out of love with old ones. Allowing yourself the opportunity to go through that process isn't a betrayal of your true identity. It may be an opportunity to find a new version of yourself you never knew was out there.
And on the other side of this process is an opportunity for you to live a full, fulfilling, free life.
Have you experienced a loss of your sense of self after a major life change? How did you cope? Leave a comment below.