We recognize that habit-building and good mental health can’t be isolated to just one corner of the internet. Myrth is our favorite tool, but it’s not our only tool. In our regular Recommended Reading series, we’ll share links to articles, books, and other tools that we think you’ll find helpful in your journey.

Connection with others is a source of strength, especially when you’re trying to build new habits or break old ones. Those friends can help distract you (e.g., from nicotine or sugar cravings) and encourage you (say, to get out for a run together or read a book). We believe so strongly in this that we even built an app to help foster those connections even further, the MyMoai app.

But loneliness has reached epidemic proportions in much of the world, and it’s only getting worse. In this installment of Recommended Reading, we cover the effects of that loneliness, tips for building new connections, and ways to rebuild old ones. 

1. Loneliness is Hurting Your Brain

We’ve known for a long time now about the harmful effects of certain physical actions, like smoking and eating an unhealthy diet. What we’re only just starting to understand are the health consequences of other factors, like emotional well-being. This article breaks it down well:

People who feel lonely often can develop restless sleep patterns, which can in turn can impair cognitive development. A 2009 study revealed that lonelier people showed less activation than normal in brain centers associated with reward and empathy, and other researchers identified that specific neurons in the dorsal raphe nuclei, related to dopamine release, are very sensitive to social isolation. An analysis from 1980 to 2015 found that loneliness and accompanying depression was as bad as smoking 15 cigarettes per day when it came to increasing mortality risk.

It can be hard to protect yourself from loneliness when you’re not sure how to break out of its effects. It can be doubly hard to do that when you’re in a new community or a hectic phase of life. Luckily, there are strategies. for establishing connections and community - like using the MyMoai app.

2. Young People Teach Tech to Seniors and Establish Generational Connections

One of the easiest ways to break out of your loneliness and get to know new people is to join a service organization. We loved this article from NPR about a group of young people teaching tech skills to local seniors and making new friends in the process:

The mission, Lopez [the founder] said, is to empower senior citizens. "I think that's why we've been so successful," she said. "The intergenerational learning experience is really remarkable and that's why I always say the main service we provide is not tech support. It is human connection." Lopez has seen many Teeniors flourish through those connections. 

Serving others is a way to get outside your own head for a while and realize that you can be helpful and purposeful. It’s also a way to get to know people, both among the others involved in your service org and among the people you serve.

3. Make Connections With Old Friends

Sometimes, loneliness doesn’t come from not having any friends, but from losing touch with the friends you do have. It’s a common enough problem that the internet is full of articles about how to reestablish those old friendships. We thought this piece was one of the best, especially this bit of advice:

“It helps for people to be vulnerable… and have some sort of explanation as to why they’re reaching out all of a sudden,” said Heidi McBain, a licensed marriage and family therapist and professional counselor. Because some messages can seem disingenuous, being upfront about your intentions from the start can help you reestablish trust with a friend. They’ll be more likely to respond, and to agree to meet.

We’ve all had that old classmate reach out via Facebook DM to try to get us to join their MLM downline. You can avoid setting off an old friend’s spidey senses by being upfront about the fact that you miss them and would love to get in touch again and then try these tips or use the MyMoai app to reconnect.

4. Understand that it’s Normal to Need to Belong

A lot of people seem to view loneliness as a weakness, as something to be ashamed of. In fact, the opposite is true. It’s normal, natural, and healthy to want to be connected to others, and so of course, if you’re feeling disconnected, loneliness is a normal consequence. This article is a bit dense, but it’s one of the groundbreaking papers on what’s known as the Belongingness Hypothesis, which among other things suggests that

… people form social attachments readily under most conditions and resist the dissolution of existing bonds. Belongingness appears to have multiple and strong effects on emotional patterns and on cognitive processes. … Existing evidence supports the hypothesis that the need to belong is a powerful, fundamental, and extremely pervasive motivation.

The need for connection to other people is normal, not a sign of weakness, and those connections will help you succeed in building a happy, healthy life. 

After all, there’s a reason people say that if you want to go fast, go alone, but if you want to go far, go together. Ties to your community will nourish and support you, and they’ll give you the opportunity to do the same for others, too.

Have you taken intentional measures to deepen your connection to your community? What have you done? Please let us know below in the comments!

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